I was recently asked for thoughts and ideas regarding the appropriate amount gifts to give our children. It is so hard not to get caught up in the commercialization of the season and to not over-buy for our precious ones. Of course there is no perfect answer, but here are some things to consider.
1. Have a Plan: This point may seem obvious and overly simplistic. But, if you have not thought about how you want to handle this issue and discussed it with your spouse, you are unlikely to accidentally be on the same page. Decide together how many gifts you intend to buy and set a budget.
2. Set Expectations: No parent wants his or her child to be disappointed on Christmas morning. A huge part of your child's response to their gifts will depend on his or her expectations. I am currently working on a separate post that addresses strategies for shifting our kids' focus away from the gifts that they will receive at Christmas, but it is equally important for parents to clearly communicate the general gift giving philosophy of their family. This is especially true if you are deviating from your past practice.
3. Impactful Gifts: We try to balance the material gifts with gifts that we hope will make an eternal impact.
- A Spiritual Gift: Each year, we talk to our children about how people and God's Word are the only things that matter in this world. Everything else will pass away, but God's Word and people's souls will live forever. Although it is exciting to receive gifts, not one present or toy will bring lasting joy. In fact, most will quickly be forgotten. Only God, through the gift of His Son, brings eternal joy. Then, we give each child a "spiritual" gift. This gift is intended to help them remember the permanent nature of God's Word. More details regarding spiritual gift ideas are available in this old post.
- Letters to Our Children: Last year, we started a tradition of writing letters to our children. These letters talk about the various character traits that we have seen in them during the last year (and specifically during the Christmas season) that we are proud of and want to encourage. The kids loved their letters (see A Heartwarming Comment from Grace for Grace's response). It sure made me wish we had started this tradition earlier.
- The Three Gift Rule: The idea is simple. If three gifts were enough for Christ, then three gifts should be enough for our children. These gifts often fall into specific categories. For example, a want (the Gold), something for the body such as clothes (the Myrrh), and a spiritual focused gift (the Frankincense). I love how this ties in with the birth of Christ.
- The Four Gift System: This idea seems to be very popular. Each child receives four gifts: a want, a need, something to wear and something to read. I even saw a cute letter to Santa set up for this idea.
- A Family Gift: Another option is to purchase a gift for the entire family that is the main Christmas gift. Then, buy an individual gift for each child. I absolutely love this idea. I read about one family that opens the family gift on Christmas Eve each year. It is always a game that they can play together. What a great way to have quality family time and establish a tradition that your kids will love and remember.
- Buy Things You Would Buy Anyway: Our kids play a lot of sports. So, at Christmas, we look toward the spring season and identify things our kids will need at that time. Since we are going to be spending the money anyway, we don't get too worked up about buying these things in advance and sticking them under the tree.
- Give Gifts that Don't Cost Anything: This approach has been very popular with our kids.
- Re-gift Electronics: The ear piece of my husband's smart phone broke, and the cost to repair it equalled the replacement cost. We cleared everything off of it and loaded on apps that our son would like. It is probably his favorite gift of all time. Another year, we set up an old computer for our daughter that had been unused for a couple of years. She was thrilled when she unwrapped it. These items cost us nothing, but they were huge hits.
- New Privileges: Currently, our kids share a bathroom. This Christmas, I am planning on "gifting" them their own bathrooms by moving our son down to the guest bathroom. I am pretty sure that our daughter will be especially thrilled not be sharing with her brother any more.
- Homemade Coupon Books: Make coupons as gifts or stocking stuffers filled with activities that you know your kids would love. This could include things as simple as (i) a sleepover with two of your friends, (ii) family movie night and they pick the movie, (iii) family game night, etc.
- Let Your Extended Family Help: If your kids have a list, pass it on to your extended family and let them help you. In our experience, the kids' aunts and grandparents are almost always looking for ideas.
- Say "No". My guess is that we will be utilizing this approach more and more as our kids get older and they ask for things that are either too expensive or that are not good for them. Although it is not fun, I think that this one of the best ways to bless our children in the long term as we are trying to develop their character.