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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Gifts for Our Children: How Much is too Much?

I was recently asked for thoughts and ideas regarding the appropriate amount gifts to give our children. It is so hard not to get caught up in the commercialization of the season and to not over-buy for our precious ones. Of course there is no perfect answer, but here are some things to consider.

1.  Have a Plan:  This point may seem obvious and overly simplistic.  But, if you have not thought about how you want to handle this issue and discussed it with your spouse, you are unlikely to accidentally be on the same page.  Decide together how many gifts you intend to buy and set a budget.

2.  Set Expectations:  No parent wants his or her child to be disappointed on Christmas morning.  A huge part of your child's response to their gifts will depend on his or her expectations.  I am currently working on a separate post that addresses strategies for shifting our kids' focus away from the gifts that they will receive at Christmas, but it is equally important for parents to clearly communicate the general gift giving philosophy of their family.  This is especially true if you are deviating from your past practice.

3. Impactful Gifts: We try to balance the material gifts with gifts that we hope will make an eternal impact.

  • A Spiritual Gift: Each year, we talk to our children about how people and God's Word are the only things that matter in this world. Everything else will pass away, but God's Word and people's souls will live forever. Although it is exciting to receive gifts, not one present or toy will bring lasting joy. In fact, most will quickly be forgotten. Only God, through the gift of His Son, brings eternal joy. Then, we give each child a "spiritual" gift. This gift is intended to help them remember the permanent nature of God's Word. More details regarding spiritual gift ideas are available in this old post.
  • Letters to Our Children: Last year, we started a tradition of writing letters to our children. These letters talk about the various character traits that we have seen in them during the last year (and specifically during the Christmas season) that we are proud of and want to encourage. The kids loved their letters (see A Heartwarming Comment from Grace for Grace's response). It sure made me wish we had started this tradition earlier.
4.  Cost Saving, Gift Giving Strategies:
  • The Three Gift Rule:  The idea is simple.  If three gifts were enough for Christ, then three gifts should be enough for our children. These gifts often fall into specific categories.  For example, a want (the Gold), something for the body such as clothes (the Myrrh), and a spiritual focused gift (the Frankincense).  I love how this ties in with the birth of Christ.
  • The Four Gift System:  This idea seems to be very popular.  Each child receives four gifts:  a want, a need, something to wear and something to read. I even saw a cute letter to Santa set up for this idea.
  • A Family Gift:  Another option is to purchase a gift for the entire family that is the main Christmas gift.  Then, buy an individual gift for each child.  I absolutely love this idea.  I read about one family that opens the family gift on Christmas Eve each year.  It is always a game that they can play together.  What a great way to have quality family time and establish a tradition that your kids will love and remember.
  • Buy Things You Would Buy Anyway:  Our kids play a lot of sports.  So, at Christmas, we look toward the spring season and identify things our kids will need at that time.  Since we are going to be spending the money anyway, we don't get too worked up about buying these things in advance and sticking them under the tree.
  • Give Gifts that Don't Cost Anything:  This approach has been very popular with our kids.
    • Re-gift Electronics: The ear piece of my husband's smart phone broke, and the cost to repair it equalled the replacement cost.  We cleared everything off of it and loaded on apps that our son would like.  It is probably his favorite gift of all time.  Another year, we set up an old computer for our daughter that had been unused for a couple of years.  She was thrilled when she unwrapped it.  These items cost us nothing, but they were huge hits.
    • New Privileges:  Currently, our kids share a bathroom.  This Christmas, I am planning on "gifting" them their own bathrooms by moving our son down to the guest bathroom.  I am pretty sure that our daughter will be especially thrilled not be sharing with her brother any more.
    • Homemade Coupon Books:  Make coupons as gifts or stocking stuffers filled with activities that you know your kids would love.  This could include things as simple as (i) a sleepover with two of your friends, (ii) family movie night and they pick the movie, (iii) family game night, etc. 
  • Let Your Extended Family Help:  If your kids have a list, pass it on to your extended family and let them help you.  In our experience, the kids' aunts and grandparents are almost always looking for ideas.
  • Say "No".  My guess is that we will be utilizing this approach more and more as our kids get older and they ask for things that are either too expensive or that are not good for them.  Although it is not fun, I think that this one of the best ways to bless our children in the long term as we are trying to develop their character.
I am sure that there our countless ways to handle this issue.  These are just a few thoughts and ideas. Please share if you approach this issue in a different way!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Christmas Past and A Silent Night Challenge

My childhood Christmas experience was fairly unique.  Almost every year, we headed for my grandparent's ranch down in the Texas hill country.  The small house was built by my great-grandfather.  It had one bedroom, one living area, one bathroom, a sleeping porch and a kitchen with the original stove.  In this tiny house, we celebrated Christmas with my mom's side of the family.  As we grew, so did our family.  We got married and started having kids.  However, for as long as we could, we all crammed into that tiny house. There must have been 16 of us there that last year along with 6 or 7 dogs.


Our last Christmas at the Ranch (2001)
Things were simple. We took walks, cut firewood, played games, talked, read books, worked puzzles and ate lots of my grandmother's food. We strung popcorn and cranberry garland.  On Christmas Eve, we rode around in the back of the old pick up truck and sang Christmas songs while we waited for our stockings to be filled. What fun memories!

There were no TVs, phones or other electronic gadgets. There was no internet or cell coverage. It saddens me that, in our current culture, so much of our time together involves sitting in front of the TV--including during the holiday season.  People are so busy and time with extended family is limited. Yet, when everyone is together, technology makes it easy to be physically present without spending any quality time with others.   

I honestly think that some of this stems from people being worn out by the time Christmas actually gets here.  It takes energy and effort to invest in others. Let's face it, it is easier to turn on the TV than to entertain preschoolers with an activity or game, and it is a lot more fun to play on our phones rather than to talk to someone who may have had a hard year.

This year, I would love to see families implement some aspects from Christmas past and take the "Silent Night Challenge"--a night with no cellphones, tvs, laptops or video games. It might feel strange at first, but I don't think that it will be a quiet night for long. I would hope to hear lots of happy chatter and laughter. At the end of the day, our kids are going to remember time with family when they were laughing or an activity that touched their hearts.

The "Silent Night" activities can be as simple or as complicated as you want.  Charades, Christmas pictionary, Christmas Bingo, Pin the Tail on Rudolph are easy, easy things to do even with young children.  You can play traditional card games like Spades, Hearts, or Canasta.  If you are feeling more creative and plan ahead, you can play Christmas Minute to Win It, or go on a family scavenger hunt.  Of course, not everyone likes to play games.  If this is the case, set out a Christmas puzzle, munch on yummy snacks, drink hot chocolate and have Christmas music playing in the background.  You could also go on a Christmas light walk.  This is so simple, but it is one of my kids favorite things to do each year.  The possibilities are endless--just find something that works for your particular family.

Is your family up for a Silent Night challenge?  If so, I would love to know what you have planned for that evening!

Christmas Bingo
Christmas Pictionary
Christmas Pictionary




Minute to Win It
Minute to Win It:  Face the Cookie

Christmas Walk 2010
Christmas Walk 2011










Friday, October 19, 2012

Christmas Budget

When we started our Purposeful Christmas small group, I asked the ladies what their Christmas goals were.  Almost all of the responses included something about creating a more simple and less expensive Christmas.  A logical follow up question is "how much does your Christmas cost?"  My guess is that very few people know (or want to know) the answer to this question.
 
Since we are talking about the practical aspects of the holiday season, addressing the Christmas budget seems like a good idea.  Here is a very basic template that can help you identify your expenses and to see where cuts, if needed, can be made.
 
 
Budget Template
 
Total Gift Amount
Decorations: 
Tree: 
Christmas Cards: 
Postage: 
Shipping Costs for Gifts: 
Travel: 
Food (if hosting): 
Other: 
Total Christmas Spending: 
 
If your financial cost is too high, take some time to consider where cuts can be made.  Are there certain Christmas chores that you could eliminate that would decrease your spending and increase your enjoyment of the holiday season? 
 


 

 

 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Christmas Chores

As I mentioned in a previous post, I love the book "Unplug the Christmas Machine".  Although it is not a Christian book, it contains various strategies that help simplify your Christmas in very tangible and practical ways.  One of my favorite exercises encourages you to take a look at a list of Christmas chores or tasks.  Specifically, it suggests looking at the following list of typical holiday tasks and placing a check by the ones that you were primarily responsible for last year.

  • Making up a gift list
  • Christmas shopping
  • Making gifts
  • Wrapping gifts
  • Mailing gifts
  • Writing cards
  • Making cards
  • Helping out at church
  • Holiday baking
  • Home decorations
  • Special holiday cleaning
  • Buying stocking stuffers
  • Advent preparations
  • Getting the tree
  • Decorating the tree
  • Outside decorations
  • Hosting parties
  • Preparing company meals
  • Helping with school activities
  • Planning family gatherings
  • Making Christmas dinner
  • Extra grocery shopping
  • Making travel arrangements
  • Packing
  • Preparing for house guests
  • Add any others
Now, think about how you felt last year as you were doing each of these things.  Put a star by the ones that you enjoyed.  If you did not enjoy a task, write down a few words that describe the reasons you did not enjoy that particular task.

Although it is probably impossible to eliminate all tasks that you did not enjoy, I would strongly encourage you to let go of as many of them as possible.  Focus on the ones that you enjoy.  Also, if you are wanting to shift toward a more spiritual focus, you will probably have to eliminate some of these tasks to make room for other things.

Friday, October 5, 2012

The Boss of Christmas

So, we do things a bit differently on my side of the family.  Several years ago, we established the "Boss of Christmas".  The idea was to rotate the responsibility of Christmas decision making to various people within our family each year.  We decided to go in order of age.  So, we started with my mom, then each of my two sisters took a turn, then me--since I am the youngest.  Then, it started back over with my mom, and we worked our way down again.  We will be incorporating my niece into the rotation this time around since she is older now.  We would be thrilled if any of the husbands wanted a turn, but this hasn't happened yet.

This year is my year.  Honestly, I love being the Boss of Christmas.  I think that it is fun, and I love to have a plan. I will be sending out an email to my extended family soon with details regarding this year's Christmas.  Grace is also very excited about being my assistant.  We even have cute "BOC" pins. 


Anyway, here are some examples of BOC's responsibilities:
  • Who is in charge of which meals?
  • How are we doing gifts this year?
  • What activities will we do when we are all together?
  • What is the schedule when we are all together?
Although this approach will not work for everyone, there are some great benefits to implementing this type of plan.  First, it takes the pressure off of the person who is always in charge.  Second, it gives everyone a say in how things are done.  If you would prefer to celebrate in a different way, be supportive of the other plans, and then feel free to change things up when it is your turn. Third, it helps avoid getting into a rut.  Although we don't tend to have drastic changes from year to year, this type of plan provides quite a bit of flexibility.

This year, I am thinking about a dirty santa gift exchange where everyone (including the guys and the kids) contributes a homemade, edible gift.  I am also thinking about a family outing to the ballpark to go tubing and playing "Minute to Win It--Christmas Style".  We did this last year with some friends, but I think it is time to roll it out to the family as well.  Another goal will be to limit my mom's time in the kitchen so that she gets to enjoy our time together too. 


Sam tubing 2011
Grace tubing 2011


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Making a List and Checking it Twice

October is here.  For me, that means lots of Christmas shopping.  It is always my goal to finish my shopping in October and to have everything wrapped in November so that I can focus on playing, teaching, celebrating and rejoicing in December.

I start by creating a comprehensive Christmas list.  I try to identify every gift (including those for teachers, administrative assistants and people with Christmas birthdays) that I am responsible for.  My massive chart includes columns for the recipient's name, gift ideas, gifts bought and how much I spent.  This chart helps ensure that I don't overlook anyone, and it helps me not forget about items that I have already purchased.  It is hugely helpful when we pack for the holidays as I use it to make sure that I don't accidentally leave any packages at home.

Even if you are not excited about early holiday shopping, creating a gift list can provide a place to record any gift ideas that you have now and don't want to forget.  It can also highlight any changes that might need to be made regarding how your family handles gift giving.  Seeing the entire list at one time can help identify potential financial issues that need to be addressed.  If you see changes that need to be made that involve your extended family, consider starting those conversations now rather than waiting until the Christmas season is in full swing.

At last count, I am responsible for gifts for 38 people which does not include (i) treats for our neighbors, (ii) parties with gift exchanges or (iii) gifts that my kids make or buy for others with their Santa Dollars.  I would be lost without my list!


Gift Chart
 

Name
Ideas
Budget
Bought
$ Spent
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 
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